Darth Vader & Co: ACT I
by ShogunNatarii
Summary: OK, my first production. :) Supposed to be a comedy; one problem. I'm not that good with comedy. So, we'll see how it goes. ;)
1. VADER WANTS TO GO TO DISNEY WORLD

CHAPTER I: VADER WANTS TO GO TO DISNEY WORLD

Characters: Darth Sidious, Sith Lord, Darth Vader, Sith Lord, Darth Namialus, Sith Lord

Setting: The Death Star—it has just been built, and Darth Vader is arriving for the first time.

Era: Imperial

* * *

[Enter Darth Vader into throne room] Darth Sidious: Ahh, Darth Vader. Welcome to the Death Star. [grins widely] Is it to your expectations?

Darth Vader: [hoo-peh, hoo-peh] Uhhh, yeah. I mean, [hoo-peh] yes, it is quite excellent. I think this thing can blow up the whole galaxy one planet after the other. [pause] Is that the plan?

DS: Uhm, well, no, not really. We blow up the planets that defy us! [raises arms dramatically, brings them down, shakes fist] We will make them galactic examples. The rest will have no choice but to follow us then. [laughs maniacally]

DV: [raises fist] Yes! We will rule this galaxy as Master [hoo-peh, lowers voice] and apprentice. [awkward silence, stares at each other] So… what about the planets that come peacefully?

DS: We'll integrate them into the Empire and the Senate, of course! They shall be a part of this great attempt at galactic peace. [rubs hands, laughs insanely] But, little do they know, we'll send stormtroopers to their cities, destroy them, and use up their resources!

DV: Um . . . isn't that like . . . being a leech?

DS: What? A—a leech?

DV: You know, that little black worm-y thing with really sharp teeth that sucks up blood from your veins and stuff.

DS: Oh, that. Well . . . maybe. [throws up hands] But, who cares!? We're getting what we want! GALACTIC DOMINATION! [laughs loudly, maniacally] With every planets' resources under our thumbs, we can do anything! Don't you see? [puts arm around Vader, motioning to the sky with hand] Our dreams can come true!

DV: *Our* dreams?

DS: Uh, I meant, *your* dreams! [pokes Vader's chest, motions out] You can have anything! Go anywhere! Do everything you want! Vader, what do you want? [looks at motionless mask]

[hoo-peh]

[hoo-peh]

[hoo-peh]

[hoo-peh]

DV: You want to know what I want?

DS: Yes, I do.

DV: Do you reeeeally want to know?

DS: [annoyed] Yes, you blundering ba-! uh, I mean, yes, I reeeeally do.

[hoo-peh]

[hoo-peh]

DV: Do you ree—

DS: YES, YES! Just tell me, already!

DV: . . . I want to go to Disney World.

DS: (O_O) . . . . . . . . . . . . THE CRAP!?

DV: You heard me.

DS: [facepalm] Okay. This is going to be a long day. Are you serious, Vader?

DV: I'm serious.

DS: Seriously serious?

DV: I'm seriously, seriously serious. [makes serious face behind mask]

DS: Rrrrright. . . . .

[Sidious goes on the Galactic Wide Web to search for cheap Disney World tickets, enter Darth Namialus]

[play Anakin/Obi-Wan duel music]

[Namialus walks slowly in, the sound of lightsaber hilts bumping into each other, boots on the metallic floor, air conditioning ruffling their capes/robes, Vader breathing]

Darth Namialus: Greetings, Lord Sidious. [bows deeply from waist, turns head sharply towards Vader] You. Lord Vader. I hear you want to go to Disney World! HA! Pathetic fool. You've just overthrown the Republic! And you want to go to a children's theme park? [narrows eyes, glaring] Idiot.

DV: Disney World is for *all* ages. And who the heck are *you*, anyway? Mr. [puts hands on waist, sways head from side to side like sassy black lady] I-call-everybody-fool-just-because-I-think-I'm-better-than-everyone-else. [crosses arms] And how did you get in here?

DN: I am Darth Namialus, Lord of the Sith. [motions with thumb at door] And I caught a cab.

DV: Oh.

DN: Anyway—you stupid, nonsensical person! You're like a child! STAHP EET. [arms flailing] Don't you see the sheer potential of this? Do you not understand what you've created? [shaking finger in Vader's face]

DV: [shoves hand away] Who are you calling stupid? You're stupid! [pointing at Namialus] I *do* know what I created! I just . . . I WANT TO GO TO DISNEY WORLD OKAY!? Geez . . . I mean, seriously. All those rides . . . and then Epcot! It's a huge golf ball! Come on, who doesn't like huge golf balls?

DN: [headwall]

DS: (o.o)

DV: . . . No? Fine, then. Hmph. [turns back on them, cape swishes]

DN: . . . Your mother looks like sunburnt womp rat.

DV: [shocked] WHAT DID YOU SAY ABOUT MY MOMMY!?

[Vader and Namialus get into a very heated, passionate argument; whose mother is uglier, who is a better lightsaber combatant, who is a better Lord of the Sith, who is Sidious' favorite, then to pointless things, whose favorite candy is better, why the Holonet should/shouldn't exist, etc, etc]

DS: [DV and DN are still arguing] Um, guys? [still arguing] . . . guys? [still] Guys. Guys. [arguing] Guys! GUYS! [clears throat, yells] GAES, SRSLY, GAES! STAAAAHP.

[dead silence]

DS: Thank you. Now. [wipes forehead, breathes deeply, looks at DV and DN hard] . . . let's just go and see what happens.

DV: YAAAAAAY!

DN: (O.O) (-_-)" Oh, brother . . .

DS: *shrugs* C'mon, Nam, what's the worst that could happen?

DN: *Now* you've sealed our fate. Nice work. (-_-)"

DV: [goes off, skipping, in sing-songy voice] We're going to Disney World, we're going to Disney World, we're going to Disney World . . .

[Namialus runs after Vader, shouting]

DS: [in low voice to self] Maybe this was a bad idea after all . . .


	2. THIKION

**CHAPTER II: VADER, SIDIOUS AND NAMIALUS RIDE TO DISNEY WORLD**

Setting: The three Sith Lords are on the TARDIS Way, which is the subway they are using to get to Disney World, which, in this case, is an actual planet. (Hyperspace reminds me of a subway, and 'Disney World' sounds like a planet.) It spans from one end of the galaxy to the other, and goes to every planet in-between.

Not only does this subway transport people, but it also transports goods. They have a row of 314 TARDIS-class starships that are set aside to be rented out. They are similar to limousines.

{Anywho, on to the story!}

[Vader, Sidious and Namialus sitting in the subway seats next to each other, Vader is giddy, bouncing up and down in his left window seat, wearing Mickey Mouse ears, Sidious' face is concealed in his hood, he has the middle, Namialus is leaning onto the wall, looking out the window on his right window seat]

DV: [still bouncing, looks at Sidious, who he doesn't realize is sleeping] Hey, hey, Master. [nudges Sidious] Isn't this exciting? We're going to Disney World!

DN: Quiet down, you buffoon! You're being too loud. Don't disturb what's left of the peace that's on this infernal contraption . . . I. Need. **PEACE**. PEACE, I TELL YOU, PEACE. [shakes hands, then leans chin onto hand, closes eyes] Peeeeeeeeacccccee . . .

DV: Uhhh . . . o-kaaaay. [slumps in chair, crosses arms] Party pooper.

DN: [opens eyes suddenly] WHAT DID YOU CALL ME!?

DV: [in back-sassing voice] Quiet down, Namialus. You're being too loud.

DN: RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! [tackles Vader furiously]

DV: WHAT THE GUNDARK—[yelps repeatedly in pain] Ah! OW! AHH! GUH—ouch—heeeey!

DN: TAKE IT BACK YOU IGNORANT CHILD! I SAID TAKE IT BACK!

DV: Ahh—OWWW—guh, n-never—AHH! OKAY, THAT'S IT! [shoves Namialus into the wall]

DN: [body creates deep dent in wall, falls out of dent, looks over shoulder, sees dent] Oh, you are *so* paying for that.

DV: Not if you pay for it first, you big meanie! [ignites saber]

DN: Oh, so you wanna play dirty, huh? [ignites twin crimson lightsabers, one at a time] Are you sure a little boy like you is ready for that? [assumes fighting stance] Cos daddy's ready to give out spankings tonight!

DV: [stands upright, balls fists at sides] DON'T YOU SPANK ME! AAAAAAAAHHHHHH! [charges at Namialus, swings sabers rigorously]

[Now Vader and Namialus have recruited a whole starship full of spectators, and they are all watching intently at what the Sith Lords are doing to each other]

DN: [swings sabers also, clashes with Vader, begins to laugh lowly, in soft voice] You think you can defeat me. [pushes Vader back with great force, Vader falls into the laps of some spectators] You are sadly mistaken.

[Meanwhile, the starship goes through a cloud nebula which causes some turbulence in the ship. For about 10 seconds, it is very strong and suddenly wakes up Sidious, who was drooling on himself. Sidious sees Vader on top of some riders and Namialus coming slowly at him with his lightsabers.]

DS: [groggily] Namialus? Vader? What are you doing to each other?

DV: NAMIALUS ATTAC—

DN: [uses hands to muffle Vader's voice] Just practicing, my lord. Vader needs to brush up on his defense. [grins pleasantly]

DS: [naively believes Namialus] Okay, then. Carry on. [begins to snore loudly, drools on self]

DN: [turns head sharply to Vader, raises lightsaber] Now, where were we? [grins evilly]

DV: Oh, no you don't! [parries Namialus quickly]

DN: [jumps back] Oh, I don't, don't I? HA!

DV: Uhm, whut?

[Namialus summons the Ultimate Force, and his eyes turn solidly black and glow. Around him there is a black, fog-like aura that is emanating lightning bolts, and it continues to expand faster and faster. His hands are filled with lightning, and as the aura grows, its appearance being that of a black hole and freaking out all the passengers, the structure of the starship appears to be becoming incoherent and slowly vanishes. He lifts his eyes and screams "Force repulse!" which causes everything to be disintegrated, except a drooling Sidious and the chair he was sitting in. A pile of eyes—all that remained of the other passengers—held a shocked expression in their pupils as they stared at the evil that caused them to perish.]

DV: [shuddering] U-u-uhhh, o-o-okay, o-okay! Y-you're scary, all right!? [hides behind cape]

DN: [smirks evilly] My purpose has been accomplished, then.

DV: [looks around] …idiot.

DN: [turns head sharply] What!?

DV: YOU FREAKING DISINTEGRATED THE SHIP, YOU DUNDERHEAD! NOW HOW ARE WE GOING TO GET TO DISNEY WORLD!? [begins bawling]

DN: That was part of my plan, fool! You think I _want_ to go to Disney World!?

DV: …oh, right, I forgot.

[Sidious wakes up with a snort and a start, a wet spot on his robe from the drool] DS: [looks around frantically] Wh-what the… what happened to the ship? [eyes widen, looks to Namialus] What did you do?

DN: [sweatdrop] What? Why me!? Why do you always assume it was me!?

DS: Because it usually is you!

DN: [sweatdrop]

DS: [facepalm]

DV: [bawling]

DS: Um, Vader, please stop crying. We're going to Disney, OK?

DV: [looks up at Sidious] We are?

DS: Uh, yeah. But we need to catch a cab or something; otherwise we're just going to float here forever…

DN: …how are we even breathing?

DS: [shrugs, gets out holographic communicator and calls the cab service]

Receptionist: Yeah?

DS: Yeah, is this Galaxy Transport? We need a cabby right now.

Rec.: Where are you?

DS: Um… Nam, where are we?

DN: I remember passing Raxus Prime about an hour ago.

DS: Probably somewhere between Raxus Prime and the next planet east.

Rec.: There's a guy within 5 clicks of ya, should be there soon.

DS: Yeah, thanks. [hangs up]

[Random, junky-looking cargo vessel appears pretty much out of nowhere, ramp opens from the bottom of the ship]

DS: [shouts to Chiss driver, boarding the vessel] Hey, you with the cab service?

Chiss: Uhh, sure… take a seat, gentleman.

[Vader, Sidious and Namialus take various seats in the rusty, falling-apart, metal scrapheap and buckle themselves in, Vader becomes giddy again, Sidious goes back so sleeping and drooling on himself, and Nam glances around, taking note of how disgusting it is in there]

Chiss: So… are you guys Sith?

DN: [looks over at him] Yes, we are. You should fear us.

Ch: R-right, right. But, um… whatever happened to the Rule of Two?

DN: [freezes in place] Uhhhh… [cough, cough] Well… it, flew out the window..?

Ch: Eh, fair enough.

DN: [rolls eyes] [whispers] Fool. [looks over to Sidious, whacks his arm]

DS: [wakes up suddenly, snorts] Wh-what? What?

DN: Pay attention.

DS: [wipes drool from mouth] So, what's your name, cabby?

Ch: Oh, my name? Chithi'kio'naasisant—[interrupted]

DV: [complaining tone] That's too long! Don't you have a nickname or something? We can't be wasting our breath calling you _that_ all the time.

Ch: —or, Thikion for short.

DV: Oh. Much better.

DN: [rolls eyes and spins away from Vader's direction in chair, exasperated, huffs]

DS: [glares at Namialus] [cough, turns to Thikion] Um, anyway, we're on our way to [swallow] eh, Disney World. So, uh… take us there, Mr. Thikion Cabby, sir.

THKN: Oh, uh, sure. Whatever you say. [turns from Sidious' sight, evil grin] If you uh, [cough] don't mind me asking, why are you guys heading to Disney?

[Sidious almost speaks, but Vader begins to blabber before he can] DV: I conquered the galaxy, so now I get to do something fun, and I decided that would be going to Disney World.

THKN: What about your friends? They don't look too happy to be accompanying you.

DV: Oh, they're just coming along because—[pause] because… hey, why are you guys coming with me?

DS: Because I have to keep an eye on you.

DV: [looks over to Namialus]

DN: [nonchalantly, sarcastically] I have no idea why I'm here.

DV: Well, there you have it.

THKN: [worried expression, purses lips, looks to the ceiling, turns to face the controls]

_[Hmm… these guys are Sith, so they claim. If they're telling the truth, then they seem like a pretty pathetic bunch… if they're lying, well—frankly, they're terrible impersonators.]_ [Thikion taps buttons, flips switches and pulls levers while twisting his head up and down, watching his hands.

THKN: Hold onto your lunches, gentlemen. We're jumping to hyperspace. [slowly pulls down lever]


End file.
